“Shopping Around:” How Do I Choose the Right Therapist?

Finding a therapist is like seeking a mirror that doesn’t distort—someone who reflects your truth while holding it tenderly. But how do we choose with so many options and modalities? The options can feel overwhelming, a maze of approaches, credentials, and personalities.

The search may echo past attachments. We’re drawn to certain therapists not randomly but because they touch something familiar in us. Perhaps we seek the parental figure we didn’t have, or someone who mirrors the parts we struggle to see.

In this way, perhaps we can trust your intuition. Ask yourself: Do I feel safe here? Seen? Accepted? Maybe this will lead you to stay with the first person you meet, or maybe it means having a few more consultations until you get that feeling.

I know I’ve tried both, and it’s led me to the right people, at the right time. It can be difficult to “shop around” and open up in a short period of time, but I also know it also saves you energy in the long run to trust your gut and be okay with the answers.

Research studies (Stubbe 2018) consistently tell us the therapeutic alliance is the key factor of change in psychotherapy. Therapy isn’t about finding the “right” method but about finding a relationship that feels alive and supportive. As Irvin Yalom says, “it’s the relationship that heals.”